Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Guitar's A Hobby, Right?
This is a very old song I use to get my fingers back in playing form. Also, thanks to my camera's mic for cutting in and out and for phasing my sound. Awesome.
Monday, January 30, 2012
"Enjoying" His Oatmeal
It took a year of 1000 holidays, but I finally got Adrian to eat a whole bowl of oatmeal. He says it's awful, but I think he actually enjoys it! What say you, blogger world?
Inane Answering Messages About Oatmeal And Leprosy
Happ...er...it's World Leprosy Day! This day really is a double whammy of bummer mainly because WLD was chosen as a day for leprosy awareness and to commemorate the death of Gandhi. (Cheery, huh?) Leprosy a.k.a Hansen's Disease has been plaguing humans for at least 4,000 years but thanks to modern treatments patients can become noninfectious within 2 weeks of treatment. (Thank god.) Now, I have no clue what to do for World Leprosy Day. I don't plan on loosing a limb or taking a bath in virgin blood and finding a jar of chaulmoogra oil seems pretty improbable. I'm fucked. Let's all be extremely thankful to not have leprosy but take some time today to get a better understanding about this disease and possibly find out ways you can help support the fight against it. I know I will. "The More You Know" *shooting star*
OK, happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy Inane Answering Message Day! I've seen some descriptions of today's holiday as a day set aside to change, shorten, or replace your own annoying answering machine message. I've also seen it described as a day to just call someone and leave a message with no real direction or forseeable resolution. I'll be doing both today, in some form (meaning my outgoing message will just get more inane), and with video evidence capturing all the inane glory. The answering machine, now on the List of Threatened and Endangered Species in the continental U.S, was invented in 1931 by William Schergens as a way to spy on his wife's phone conversations (she was a whore) but wasn't offered commercially until 1949 for the "low" price of $200. It gained real retail success in the American Psycho 80's, when people were apparently too busy to answer the phone but had enough time to do blow off a hooker's coffee table, or her ass. Today, harken back to a time when answering machines weighed more than modern refrigerators and you needed reel to reel training experience to get that day's calls. Go now and leave someone an inane message or create an outgoing message for all to "enjoy."
Happy Oatmeal Month Observance Day! Created 200 years ago by that guy on the box, oatmeal cereal or stirabout as it's called in Ireland is a "tasty" breakfast treat made of...well you guessed it, oats! Actually, oat groats, but that sounds just awful. I LOVE the smell of oatmeal but the taste is a different story and not really so much taste but consistency. It's lumps of oat groat, mixed with some artificial fruit shit (shit=substitute), and passed off as "tasty." Blah, blah, blah, it's healthy. Yuck. I'll eat a bowl today and with a shit eating grin tell you how wonderful it is but inside I'll die a little. Mmmm oat lumps. I know millions of people, including my wife, love oatmeal and that's fine but the groat is not for Totes. If you love oatmeal you can love it more today and if don't give it a shot and maybe your mind will change or you'll vomit. In the end the consistency won't change. Enjoy! I guess.
P.S. One week down and too many to go. Much success and some failures so far but that's a ratio I'll keep working on. I hope everyone (all three of you) is enjoying the blog so far and hopefully my writing has been and will contiue to improve. Cheers!
OK, happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy Inane Answering Message Day! I've seen some descriptions of today's holiday as a day set aside to change, shorten, or replace your own annoying answering machine message. I've also seen it described as a day to just call someone and leave a message with no real direction or forseeable resolution. I'll be doing both today, in some form (meaning my outgoing message will just get more inane), and with video evidence capturing all the inane glory. The answering machine, now on the List of Threatened and Endangered Species in the continental U.S, was invented in 1931 by William Schergens as a way to spy on his wife's phone conversations (she was a whore) but wasn't offered commercially until 1949 for the "low" price of $200. It gained real retail success in the American Psycho 80's, when people were apparently too busy to answer the phone but had enough time to do blow off a hooker's coffee table, or her ass. Today, harken back to a time when answering machines weighed more than modern refrigerators and you needed reel to reel training experience to get that day's calls. Go now and leave someone an inane message or create an outgoing message for all to "enjoy."
Happy Oatmeal Month Observance Day! Created 200 years ago by that guy on the box, oatmeal cereal or stirabout as it's called in Ireland is a "tasty" breakfast treat made of...well you guessed it, oats! Actually, oat groats, but that sounds just awful. I LOVE the smell of oatmeal but the taste is a different story and not really so much taste but consistency. It's lumps of oat groat, mixed with some artificial fruit shit (shit=substitute), and passed off as "tasty." Blah, blah, blah, it's healthy. Yuck. I'll eat a bowl today and with a shit eating grin tell you how wonderful it is but inside I'll die a little. Mmmm oat lumps. I know millions of people, including my wife, love oatmeal and that's fine but the groat is not for Totes. If you love oatmeal you can love it more today and if don't give it a shot and maybe your mind will change or you'll vomit. In the end the consistency won't change. Enjoy! I guess.
P.S. One week down and too many to go. Much success and some failures so far but that's a ratio I'll keep working on. I hope everyone (all three of you) is enjoying the blog so far and hopefully my writing has been and will contiue to improve. Cheers!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Not For All The Corn Chips in Ch...Puzzles In Chi...Wait...Tea In China!
Happy National Puzzle Day, planet Earth! Puzzles, invented by spiteful wives who later regret cutting up their wedding photos, are a wonderful activity for families or lonely pet hoarders to bring everyone (or the 47 cats and dogs) together around the table for a night of brain racking fun. I've always loved working on puzzles, being a common occurance growing up that in our house after everyone's long days we could relax and put together a 1500 piece puzzle as a family. (Not all in one sitting ,we weren't a household of Rainmen.) Having received a Darth Vader puzzle this past Christmas, I've been waiting for this day, to sit down and put that evil bitch together. I invite you all to shut the television/computer/Flutter down for a couple hours, give your mind a jump start, and watch all the pieces become one.
Maybe while your working on that puzzle (And you better be working on that damn puzzle. I know where most of you live.) you can celebrate today's second holiday. National Corn Chip Day! First marketed in 1961 Frito Corn Chips have become commonplace in households and are America's bastardized version of a tortilla chip. I've never really been a fan of corn chips and probably never will be but today I'll bite the nixtamalization bullet and throw down a couple of these rigid, rot gut inducing snacks. Here are a few corn chip facts for your brain mouth to chomp on: Invented by Jebidiah Frito in 1934 as a way to loosen his cow's stool, he found that in times of sparse food they made a digestable substitute for dirt. Like a fine bottle of wine, allowing corn chips a good 5 to 7 years of open air aging greatly increases their flavor. Masons have recently discovered that the proper mixture of 1:2:3:2 (that being Portland cement, sand, gravel, and Frito Corn Chips) greatly increases the life and rigidity of foundations. This new material is being used currently in the construction of The Freedom Tower in NYC. So whether your watching the Pro Bowl (sure), doing homework, or sitting down to celebrate National Puzzle Day today, pop a bag of this multifaceted "snack" and fill your tum tum with "awesome."
Last but not least, folks. Happy Hot Tea Month Observance Day! The second most consumed beverage in the world, behind water, this ancient beverage's earliest recorded mention is in the 10th Century BC in China but it's history probably dates back another 2-3 centuries before that. I could give you a lesson on tea's etymology, proper blending, healing properties, or its cultural significance but, no, I'm here to mildy inform and mostly entertain. (We all have Google, except in China, so go educate yourself.) Known as the "Wonder Liquid of the Orient" (that's going to get me in trouble eventually) tea has been used to make water not suck for over 3000 years. Once a drink of the Gods that flowed as rivers with banks of gold and diamonds through the Altar of Heaven, it was given to mankind as a reward for faith and service. Today, take this divine gift, put the kettle on, and dip your bag until the water is properly brown. (Sounds tasty, right?) One lump or two?
Maybe while your working on that puzzle (And you better be working on that damn puzzle. I know where most of you live.) you can celebrate today's second holiday. National Corn Chip Day! First marketed in 1961 Frito Corn Chips have become commonplace in households and are America's bastardized version of a tortilla chip. I've never really been a fan of corn chips and probably never will be but today I'll bite the nixtamalization bullet and throw down a couple of these rigid, rot gut inducing snacks. Here are a few corn chip facts for your brain mouth to chomp on: Invented by Jebidiah Frito in 1934 as a way to loosen his cow's stool, he found that in times of sparse food they made a digestable substitute for dirt. Like a fine bottle of wine, allowing corn chips a good 5 to 7 years of open air aging greatly increases their flavor. Masons have recently discovered that the proper mixture of 1:2:3:2 (that being Portland cement, sand, gravel, and Frito Corn Chips) greatly increases the life and rigidity of foundations. This new material is being used currently in the construction of The Freedom Tower in NYC. So whether your watching the Pro Bowl (sure), doing homework, or sitting down to celebrate National Puzzle Day today, pop a bag of this multifaceted "snack" and fill your tum tum with "awesome."
Last but not least, folks. Happy Hot Tea Month Observance Day! The second most consumed beverage in the world, behind water, this ancient beverage's earliest recorded mention is in the 10th Century BC in China but it's history probably dates back another 2-3 centuries before that. I could give you a lesson on tea's etymology, proper blending, healing properties, or its cultural significance but, no, I'm here to mildy inform and mostly entertain. (We all have Google, except in China, so go educate yourself.) Known as the "Wonder Liquid of the Orient" (that's going to get me in trouble eventually) tea has been used to make water not suck for over 3000 years. Once a drink of the Gods that flowed as rivers with banks of gold and diamonds through the Altar of Heaven, it was given to mankind as a reward for faith and service. Today, take this divine gift, put the kettle on, and dip your bag until the water is properly brown. (Sounds tasty, right?) One lump or two?
Saturday, January 28, 2012
No Kazoo but Plenty of Soup!
In celebration of Soup Day, we enjoyed a bounty of soup delights at a restaurant aptly named Souper! Salad here in Albuquerque! I partook in the Cheesy Chicken and Broccoli while Adrian gobbled up some Tomato Basil. Much thanks to Justin for capturing our soup-filled moment!
Unfortunately, we were not able to find a kazoo anywhere so the video posted earlier will have to suffice.
I would also like to take a moment to discuss Data Privacy on this momentous day. Last week my bank called to inform me that a large purchase had been made with my debit card at a Walmart in Missouri! First, large purchases are not in the norm for my buying history, so obviously something was amiss. Second, I am living in ABQ and have not been to this small town in MO. Thankfully, we were able to get everything resolved, the bank replaced my money, and an investigation is currently taking place. This whole thing, however, made me rethink my privacy online. To relieve my concerns I decided to change several of my passwords to prevent further issues. I highly recommend you do the same!
Evil people no longer want to simply end your fun in life by ravaging your meadhall and taking 30 or so of your thanes. Oh no! Now they have to steal your identity and spend all your money. Take a lesson from Beowulf and strongarm these wretched "Cainnes cynne" by changing and complicating your passwords for email, bank accounts, Facebook, and anything else you use regularly and would like to keep safe!
Happy Soup, Kazoo, and Data Privacy Day!
Chocolate Cake Experience
We now present you with the Chocolate Cake celebration experience! The dots on the cake are written in standard 6 configuration Braille. Enjoy!
Mission: Kazoo, Data Privacy, And The Soup Plane Lands In The Mouth Hangar
Due to Data Privacy Day and the concern for protecting my "importants" today's post can only be read with a decoder ring and key (See bottom of page) OK, now that the hackers are gone we can move on with today's post. Hackers or their scientific name, dickheadeus annoyicus, are the reason for this season and I'm sure we've all had run-ins with these "wonderful" creatures. Your Facebook page becomes a dumping ground for "OMG I can't believe you did this last night" videos, you get emails from the Duke of Liberia asking you to loan him $1K for a $2M return, or you get that pleasant call from the bank asking if you just purchased a Ferrari in Santa Monica. Whether it be embarassment, annoyance, or straight up theft no one likes to have their shit become someone else's shit (shit=data, again scientific term). Take a few minutes today and update your passwords, run some virus scan and malware finders, and help keep your shit, your shit.
Now on to one of my favorite meals/topics: National Soup Month Observance Day! Ever since being a wee lad I can't think of a time when I didn't like soup and honestly, who doesn't? Having such a variety of flavors and styles there is no denying that soup is one of the staples in any diet. Having a really good bowl of soup is like getting the Midas Touch and for the next day BMing 14K pendants, it's like Mjollnir thunder booming your "tonguescape" into flavor submission, or as if your mouth just won the Powerball of taste for $200M. No matter which creepy way you choose to describe a good bowl of soup, sit down today and enjoy this liquid wonder with a sandwich, salad, or just by its glorious self.
City: Albuquerque Mission: Kazoo. Happy National Kazoo Day! I need to find a kazoo, damnit. You'd think the Dollar Stores would have one. But, no. My mission today, I've chosen to accept it, find a kazoo and play that bastard. Once advertised as the "Down-South Submarine" by the Georgia State Fair (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried) the kazoo was patented in 1883 but the modern shaped kazoo wasn't patented until 1902. I like that there are actually pages describing how to play a kazoo and that it's not "blowing but humming" that makes it work. No shit! Here are some kazoo facts to stick in your brain jelly. National studies show that kazoos are not just for kids, clowns, and pederasts (those last two terms are interchangeable) anymore but that the "teen scene" is getting into the kazoo craze. If a kazoo is played properly in the wilds of Africa it can send elephants in hundreds of miles into a tusk filled orgy the likes of National Geographic have never seen. It's the National Instrument of North Korea and it's said Kim Jong Il had wonderful kazoo playing lips. A final fact: Kazooerotica is huge in the Netherlands (look it up). So, hopefully today I can find a kazoo, play a kazoo, and partake in the wonder that is the kazoo. And once more for good measure: KAZOO.
Data Privacy Key: a=a,b=b,c=c,d=d,e=e,f=f,g=g,h=h,i=i,j=j,k=k,l=l,m=m,n=n,o=o,p=p,q=q,r=r,s=s,t=t,u=u,v=v,w=w,x=x,y=y,z=7.
Now on to one of my favorite meals/topics: National Soup Month Observance Day! Ever since being a wee lad I can't think of a time when I didn't like soup and honestly, who doesn't? Having such a variety of flavors and styles there is no denying that soup is one of the staples in any diet. Having a really good bowl of soup is like getting the Midas Touch and for the next day BMing 14K pendants, it's like Mjollnir thunder booming your "tonguescape" into flavor submission, or as if your mouth just won the Powerball of taste for $200M. No matter which creepy way you choose to describe a good bowl of soup, sit down today and enjoy this liquid wonder with a sandwich, salad, or just by its glorious self.
City: Albuquerque Mission: Kazoo. Happy National Kazoo Day! I need to find a kazoo, damnit. You'd think the Dollar Stores would have one. But, no. My mission today, I've chosen to accept it, find a kazoo and play that bastard. Once advertised as the "Down-South Submarine" by the Georgia State Fair (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried) the kazoo was patented in 1883 but the modern shaped kazoo wasn't patented until 1902. I like that there are actually pages describing how to play a kazoo and that it's not "blowing but humming" that makes it work. No shit! Here are some kazoo facts to stick in your brain jelly. National studies show that kazoos are not just for kids, clowns, and pederasts (those last two terms are interchangeable) anymore but that the "teen scene" is getting into the kazoo craze. If a kazoo is played properly in the wilds of Africa it can send elephants in hundreds of miles into a tusk filled orgy the likes of National Geographic have never seen. It's the National Instrument of North Korea and it's said Kim Jong Il had wonderful kazoo playing lips. A final fact: Kazooerotica is huge in the Netherlands (look it up). So, hopefully today I can find a kazoo, play a kazoo, and partake in the wonder that is the kazoo. And once more for good measure: KAZOO.
Data Privacy Key: a=a,b=b,c=c,d=d,e=e,f=f,g=g,h=h,i=i,j=j,k=k,l=l,m=m,n=n,o=o,p=p,q=q,r=r,s=s,t=t,u=u,v=v,w=w,x=x,y=y,z=7.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Making Chocolate Cake And Thomas Crapper Day Funny All While Written In Braille
I need to have a moment of silence for this very somber and serious holiday...Chocolate Cake Day! Wooooo! OK, let's take it down a notch and learn the history about this holiest of holy days. Umm...wait...so I can't really find any history about this holiday but facts or lack of haven't stopped me before. Chocolate cake facts: After the discovery of fire around 790,000 years ago, chocolate cake quickly became a regular in the diet of Neanderthal man (that's why they're extinct, gluttons). When the Gregorian calendar came about in 1582, January 27 was proclaimed to be Chocolate Cake Day. A day when turnips were replaced by this confection of the Gods, children danced, songs were sung, and the streets filled with joy and disease, but mostly joy. In 1948 Betty Crocker released the first "Just Add Water" chocolate cake mix which became a major factor in defeating the Nazis promptly ending WW2. (Previous statement's thought process: Cake brought to G.I's, morale was raised, soldiers fought harder, and the Nazis lost. Don't worry about the year.) Today, bake a cake, decorate a cake, or just eat some cake!
After you've enjoyed your cake you may get to celebrate our other holiday today. Thomas Crapper Day! This innovator and toilet visionary was a man with nine patents to his name, the first bath showroom in the world, and his name gracing manhole covers in Westminster Abbey. Many people believe he invented the flushing toilet but no, he simply innovated the design and removed the wooden spoon from the whole flushing process. (Look it up.) Now on to the really important part of this man's story, the origin of the word crap as an evacuation term. Blah, blah, blah Middle English word, blah, blah, blah French word for waste "crappe," blah, blah, blah. Here's the stinky truth. Americans serving in England during WW1 would "hit the crapper," seeing Crapper's name on the toilets, and thus the modern crap was born. Now I suggest we all flush our toilets at 12pm EST today in solidarity for this amazing man of plumbing innovation on the day of his death.
Happy Braille Literacy Month Observance Day! Devised in 1825 by Louis Braille and the first digital form of writing. This system still in use today has helped millions of blind humans and several smart goats be able to read and write where it would have been impossible before. I will be posting a short written statement in braille later in hopes to make us all a little more educated and bring some diversity to this page (and by all of us I mean myself and the three people that read this blog). I'm also planning on decorating a small chocolate cake with braille writing to celebrate today's wide range of holidays. Have fun celebrating today, I know I will (probably not).
P.S. Being Thomas Crapper and Chocolate Cake Day I feel like this really isn't funny. Maybe I didn't want to go for the obvious jokes but whatever. Enjoy!
After you've enjoyed your cake you may get to celebrate our other holiday today. Thomas Crapper Day! This innovator and toilet visionary was a man with nine patents to his name, the first bath showroom in the world, and his name gracing manhole covers in Westminster Abbey. Many people believe he invented the flushing toilet but no, he simply innovated the design and removed the wooden spoon from the whole flushing process. (Look it up.) Now on to the really important part of this man's story, the origin of the word crap as an evacuation term. Blah, blah, blah Middle English word, blah, blah, blah French word for waste "crappe," blah, blah, blah. Here's the stinky truth. Americans serving in England during WW1 would "hit the crapper," seeing Crapper's name on the toilets, and thus the modern crap was born. Now I suggest we all flush our toilets at 12pm EST today in solidarity for this amazing man of plumbing innovation on the day of his death.
Happy Braille Literacy Month Observance Day! Devised in 1825 by Louis Braille and the first digital form of writing. This system still in use today has helped millions of blind humans and several smart goats be able to read and write where it would have been impossible before. I will be posting a short written statement in braille later in hopes to make us all a little more educated and bring some diversity to this page (and by all of us I mean myself and the three people that read this blog). I'm also planning on decorating a small chocolate cake with braille writing to celebrate today's wide range of holidays. Have fun celebrating today, I know I will (probably not).
P.S. Being Thomas Crapper and Chocolate Cake Day I feel like this really isn't funny. Maybe I didn't want to go for the obvious jokes but whatever. Enjoy!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Demonstrations of Bath Safety and a Beer Can
While all of you I'm sure would like to have seen some candid photography and/or video of Adrian in his best suit (birthday, that is) showing his bath safety skills, we've provided these photos for your viewing pleasure.
Enjoy!
I Come From A Land Down Under Where Bald Eagles Soar And Bathe Safely
G' day mate! Happy Australia Day! A time when we can all get together and say thank you to our Southern Hemisphere friends for their wonderful contributions to the planet Earth and learn a little more about this diverse and interesting culture. Here are some facts about Australia you may or may not have known: Australia's number one export is Foster's, with kangaroos being the second, and followed in a close third by male strippers. The Outback restaurant chain started as a small diner outside of Sydney owned by Gene and Margaret Outback, who had a love for steaks and giant fried onions. Russell Crowe: Not really Australian. He was actually born in New Zealand but has lived in Australia since he was a small child and he prefers only throwing Australian made phones. (They're made with more weight.) A final fact about the Aussies: They love when you speak to them in your best fake Australian accent while discussing shrimp and Barbie dolls. (I don't get the Barbie thing but I told you this was a diverse and interesting culture.) Today let's all raise a Foster's, sharpen our Bowie knives, and flush the toilet backwards, to celebrate these wonderful people living in a far away land of make believe.
Happy Bald Eagle Appreciation Day! America! Monster trucks! Guns! Fuck yeah! But seriously, today is the day to appreciate the beauty and majesty of these amazing animals. I've never been lucky enough to see one in the wild, I'm sure most of us haven't, but after seeing a couple at the zoo in ABQ I can honestly say having them as a symbol of America is perfect. Proud, strong, majestic, and mulleted. Wait...scratch that last one. Haliaeetus leucocephalus is its scientific name, meaning: white headed kill machine with a penchant for rocking out and kicking ass. Once endangered and to the point of near extinction years of hard work and efforts by conservationists led to these wonderful creatures being officially removed from the List of Endangered and Threatened Wildlife in 2007. It's sad that we let our national symbol get to that point in the first place through our ignorance and persistant need to destroy all natural habitats around us (HULK SMASH!). You make it hard to love you sometimes, America. Please take a minute to research the Bald Eagle today and get a new appreciation for our national symbol of kick assery.
Finally, January is National Bath Safety Month and today is my observance day and it should be your's too! This is a relatively serious topic pertaining mainly to child safety when in the "Water Gauntlet of The House" a.k.a your bathroom. Always being told I could drown in 1in of water by my mother I still refuse to bathe in anything deeper than 3/4in of that death liquid. This may make bathing a more difficult process but safety first and cleanliness a distant second in my books. I'll post a video or pics (haven't decided yet) later of some safety basics that everyone should strictly adhere to as to not anger Poseidon (that guy with an underwater pitchfork) thus bringing down his wrath. Crikey!
Happy Bald Eagle Appreciation Day! America! Monster trucks! Guns! Fuck yeah! But seriously, today is the day to appreciate the beauty and majesty of these amazing animals. I've never been lucky enough to see one in the wild, I'm sure most of us haven't, but after seeing a couple at the zoo in ABQ I can honestly say having them as a symbol of America is perfect. Proud, strong, majestic, and mulleted. Wait...scratch that last one. Haliaeetus leucocephalus is its scientific name, meaning: white headed kill machine with a penchant for rocking out and kicking ass. Once endangered and to the point of near extinction years of hard work and efforts by conservationists led to these wonderful creatures being officially removed from the List of Endangered and Threatened Wildlife in 2007. It's sad that we let our national symbol get to that point in the first place through our ignorance and persistant need to destroy all natural habitats around us (HULK SMASH!). You make it hard to love you sometimes, America. Please take a minute to research the Bald Eagle today and get a new appreciation for our national symbol of kick assery.
Finally, January is National Bath Safety Month and today is my observance day and it should be your's too! This is a relatively serious topic pertaining mainly to child safety when in the "Water Gauntlet of The House" a.k.a your bathroom. Always being told I could drown in 1in of water by my mother I still refuse to bathe in anything deeper than 3/4in of that death liquid. This may make bathing a more difficult process but safety first and cleanliness a distant second in my books. I'll post a video or pics (haven't decided yet) later of some safety basics that everyone should strictly adhere to as to not anger Poseidon (that guy with an underwater pitchfork) thus bringing down his wrath. Crikey!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Opposite Day Success? No.
Scientology, Writing With My Left Hand And Burns' Nicht
Well, it's everyone's favorite holiday again: Criminon Day! That magical day of the year when Scientology once again tried to make the world a better place, reforming criminals with the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, but only managed to draw more criticism and jeers from the scienctific world. Not that I'm standing up for Scientology but one of the main complaints, by the scientific establishment, against Criminon is that it's used as a recruiting tool. Have these folks ever heard of AA? That wonderful program that makes being a Christian damn near a requirement to be successful in the program. OK, enough bitching. Now the Criminon program does have its faults, such as the belief that all psychiatric counseling and medication must be stopped (bad idea), but the major rules including: do not commint crimes, do not do drugs, do not cheat, and do not murder, sound like pretty reasonable advice for someone with a history of convictions. So go forth, readers, find a convict and teach them The Way To Happiness (Copyright L. Ron Hubbard and The Church Of Scientology). Legal Disclaimer: Do not go forth, find a convict, and begin reading scientology to them. Seriously. Just don't.
Our second celebration today: Opposite Day! Try writing that check for 1 gallon of milk with your opposite hand, drive on the right side of the car (left side for our UK friends), tell your kids they can go to work and you'll be home watching TV all day, or simply put on the other sock first (my fellow compulsives know how hard that can be). I'm currently drinking my coffee with the left hand and it's a "whole new world..." out of my comfort zone and into the ether of beverage consumption. (Aladdin reference courtesy of the Disney Co.)
Finally, finish out today with a Burns' Night or Burns' Supper! Today is the birthday of Scot poet Robert Burns, Mr. Auld Lang Syne himself. Fire up the haggis, whip up some tatties, and make merry with fellow lovers of Burns' poetic writings. I'll be posting a video later of my very own Burns' Supper with haggis included (not really haggis being I'll only eat poultry but I'll fake it), poetry reading (read from a large old book to make this look professional), and traditional live bagpipe music (OK not really "live" but none-the-less traditional). In advance I apologize for poor video quality and a most likely shoddy production since this will be my first video blog and I'm just diving in head first and hopefully not drowning. Let's sit together, digitally, and have a Burns' Supper that can only be called "...the best. Around!" (Karate Kid reference courtesy of Pat Morita and that band. Whoever they are.)
Our second celebration today: Opposite Day! Try writing that check for 1 gallon of milk with your opposite hand, drive on the right side of the car (left side for our UK friends), tell your kids they can go to work and you'll be home watching TV all day, or simply put on the other sock first (my fellow compulsives know how hard that can be). I'm currently drinking my coffee with the left hand and it's a "whole new world..." out of my comfort zone and into the ether of beverage consumption. (Aladdin reference courtesy of the Disney Co.)
Finally, finish out today with a Burns' Night or Burns' Supper! Today is the birthday of Scot poet Robert Burns, Mr. Auld Lang Syne himself. Fire up the haggis, whip up some tatties, and make merry with fellow lovers of Burns' poetic writings. I'll be posting a video later of my very own Burns' Supper with haggis included (not really haggis being I'll only eat poultry but I'll fake it), poetry reading (read from a large old book to make this look professional), and traditional live bagpipe music (OK not really "live" but none-the-less traditional). In advance I apologize for poor video quality and a most likely shoddy production since this will be my first video blog and I'm just diving in head first and hopefully not drowning. Let's sit together, digitally, and have a Burns' Supper that can only be called "...the best. Around!" (Karate Kid reference courtesy of Pat Morita and that band. Whoever they are.)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Beer Cans And Compliments...Oh And Prospectors, Dagnabbit!
The year was 1935 and the world was a sad, sad place. A "Great Depression," if you will. (Someone should've thought of that before.) Why was everyone so sad? Beer bottles. So fragile they'd burst in the hand of a man with a moderate grip. So hard to open that only those few with access to sophisticated prying apparati could taste the sweet nectar sealed within. So 1% that only Rockefeller himself knew what beer tasted like and told stories of it to his grandchildren. That was when a small brewery, housed in a hillside in The Shire, named Krueger, took the leap and made beer in cans a reality. I suggest you all take a little time and do some research for yourself (more than I did) and see how significant this innovation has been to our society. And since this is also Naitional Compliment Day I'd like to say ,Krueger, that you're a wonderful company and all your hobbit employees are simply the best around.
While enjoying a frosty, canned beverage today we can all celebrate today's third holiday, Talk Like A Grizzled Prospector Day! This is to commemorate the 1848 discovery of gold in California and the subsequent 1849 Gold Rush as well as shining some light on these grizzled men of lore. Prospectors work hard all day, toiling in icy streams to get a piece or nugget of that American dream and prove that the 9-5 isn't your only option. So get your dagnabbits ready and spin some tales of how you lost that pinky finger to The Great Early Freeze of '95, or how you once fought off a bear with a piece of jerky and your left sock.
Finally, National Compliment Day! Everyone loves to hear a compliment once and a while so today unleash a barrage of cheer from your talk hole to everyone you meet. It seems most people these days are wrestling with hard times and hearing some positive vocals could keep them from taking out that long buried rage on the general public. So smile and make someone's day a little bit brighter with a compliment and in the process do the same for yourself. Have a canned beer, tell a grizzled tale of winters past, and compliment the shit out of those around you. Dagnabbit!
Monday, January 23, 2012
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