I Come From A Land Down Under Where Bald Eagles Soar And Bathe Safely

G' day mate! Happy Australia Day! A time when we can all get together and say thank you to our Southern Hemisphere friends for their wonderful contributions to the planet Earth and learn a little more about this diverse and interesting culture. Here are some facts about Australia you may or may not have known: Australia's number one export is Foster's, with kangaroos being the second, and followed in a close third by male strippers. The Outback restaurant chain started as a small diner outside of Sydney owned by Gene and Margaret Outback, who had a love for steaks and giant fried onions. Russell Crowe: Not really Australian. He was actually born in New Zealand but has lived in Australia since he was a small child and he prefers only throwing Australian made phones. (They're made with more weight.) A final fact about the Aussies: They love when you speak to them in your best fake Australian accent while discussing shrimp and Barbie dolls. (I don't get the Barbie thing but I told you this was a diverse and interesting culture.) Today let's all raise a Foster's, sharpen our Bowie knives, and flush the toilet backwards, to celebrate these wonderful people living in a far away land of make believe.
Happy Bald Eagle Appreciation Day! America! Monster trucks! Guns! Fuck yeah! But seriously, today is the day to appreciate the beauty and majesty of these amazing animals. I've never been lucky enough to see one in the wild, I'm sure most of us haven't, but after seeing a couple at the zoo in ABQ I can honestly say having them as a symbol of America is perfect. Proud, strong, majestic, and mulleted. Wait...scratch that last one. Haliaeetus leucocephalus is its scientific name, meaning: white headed kill machine with a penchant for rocking out and kicking ass. Once endangered and to the point of near extinction years of hard work and efforts by conservationists led to these wonderful creatures being officially removed from the List of Endangered and Threatened Wildlife in 2007. It's sad that we let our national symbol get to that point in the first place through our ignorance and persistant need to destroy all natural habitats around us (HULK SMASH!). You make it hard to love you sometimes, America. Please take a minute to research the Bald Eagle today and get a new appreciation for our national symbol of kick assery.
Finally, January is National Bath Safety Month and today is my observance day and it should be your's too! This is a relatively serious topic pertaining mainly to child safety when in the "Water Gauntlet of The House" a.k.a your bathroom. Always being told I could drown in 1in of water by my mother I still refuse to bathe in anything deeper than 3/4in of that death liquid. This may make bathing a more difficult process but safety first and cleanliness a distant second in my books. I'll post a video or pics (haven't decided yet) later of some safety basics that everyone should strictly adhere to as to not anger Poseidon (that guy with an underwater pitchfork) thus bringing down his wrath. Crikey!