Won't You Join Our Convoy?

Keep on Truckin' to Julie's for Paella

Hey all,

Celebration Sensation here! The Holiday Hero and I have been moving from our crappy apartment to a "Victorian Bungalow," so you must forgive our neglect on the holidays. I promise we will be back up and running very soon.
I would like to mention that today is our friend Julie Remsik Larsen's birthday today! Yes, our friends' birthdays are certainly epic celebrations for us, so if you know her wish her a great day. If not, simply send good vibes our way and we'll pass them along.
Secondly, today is also "Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day! According to Punchbowl.com, it is simply a day to pay tribute to all the country songs that always make you giggle (as if that's possible) and enjoy a good ho-down! Some of our "favorite" quirky songs include: "Old Home Filler-Up and Keep on Truckin' Cafe" by CW McCall, "Every Time I Itch, I End Up Scratching You" by Johnny Cash, and "Convoy" again by the great CW McCall! Enjoy!
Finally, today is Spanish Paella Day. I have no clue how to make paella , but we are here to sing its praises. It is a Valencian rice dish that originated on the east coast of Spain in the mid-19th century. There are three types of paella: Valencian, seafood, and mixed (a variety of meats, seafood, beans, and such), so go find a recipe and whip up a hearty bowl/skillet of delightful paella!
Well, that's about all we've got for today. I hope you enjoy these holidays! Cheers.
Celebration Sensation, out.

Adopt A Puppy And Other Important Suggestions

Happy Puppy Day! They're so cute! So snuggly and cuddly and sweet and...oh I just love puppies! Let me compose myself before we carry on. The true purpose behind this holiday is not only to celebrate how precious puppies are but to help get puppies adopted. For me, no matter how big the dog grows up to be it will always be a puppy in my eyes. If you don't already own a dog or have one and want a new member of the family please take today and go adopt. Don't just narrow your search to puppies either. Shelters are full of older dogs with just as much love and affection as their tiny counterparts. Just look into the dog's eyes and you can always find that youthful spirit ready to give you all its love for just some pets and a place to call home. I always get a little wet under the eye thinking about all the puppies and dogs waiting to be adopted and if I could I'd take every single one of them home but it is not possible. The best I can do is ask all of you to at least think about adopting today and think about the life you can save with a cozy bed, some kibble, and a whole mess of pets. Happy Adoption Day is how it should be referred to now and if that already exists it doesn't hurt to have two.
Happy Organize Your Home Office Day! My office is a cluster fuck, spanning two homes, and a pile of boxes thanks to us being mid move. As we bring boxes in to the house we are trying to unpack the importants and store the others and honestly the office at our house is cleaner than at our current apartment. I'll be doing my best to organize and maybe I'll post some pics of the unpacking process for all to "enjoy". So, today, get off your ass, go into the book/paper dungeon you call an office, and clean that shit up. Lord Vigo commands you. "Oh, command me lord." (GB2 reference alert.)
Happy Okey Dokey Day! This is one of my favorite sayings and it really is a solid way to live a stress free life. Don't strain over decisions today, just say okey dokey and go with the flow. I can't find shit on this holiday and I don't remember where I originally found info for it but I love it. Wanna play canasta? Okey dokey. Want to help build a full scale model of the Empire State Building out of pretzels? Okey dokey. Wanna travel back in time, through a phone booth and have gnarly adventures with George Carlin? Okey fuckin' dokey. Don't stress just go with it today. Are we all clear on this? Okey dokey. Cheers!

Don't Goof-Off With Your Water

Happy World Water Day! The first WWD was celebrated on this day in 1993 after a day to celebrate freshwater was recommended at the 1992 United Nations Conference on Enviroment and Development. With 7 billion people on Earth to feed, and another 2 billion expected in the next 40 years, the need for more sustainable diets that require less water-intensive products and less waste is becoming extremely important. Did you know that 11% of the world does not have clean water to drink? That's around 800 million people! Holy fuck, Batman. The focus for this year's World Water Day, as I've already mentioned, is to shed light on how much water gets wasted through our current food production methods and through the waste of 30% of our food. That's right, kids, we throw out about 30% of our food which results in a ton of water wastage that went into producing the food. Not only is it a shame to waste food but the amount of water that goes into it is staggering. Here's an example from the WWD page: 1 kilo of beef take 15,000 liters of water to produce. Again, holy fuck. So, please think about what you're consuming today and how much water goes into making it and maybe together we can make the world a better fed place with an abundance of water.
OK, sorry I got all heavy on you there but that is serious shit. Now, onto to something a little more positive. Happy National Goof-Off Day! Got something to do? Fuck it! (Unless you're a hooker because then that wouldn't be goofing-off.) Kick back and relax you deserve it, champ. Play a video game, watch a movie marathon, eat some cookie dough, or run nude through the streets shouting obscenities at God and slapping the pavement while your gentleman's tackle dangles for all to see. Whatever floats your boat. Now, I'm gearing up to move into a new house this weekend and my goofing off session might be put on hold until later tonight. Which I know defeats the purpose but, hey, shit happens and you move. Anyways, there is work I could probably be doing later but I won't because it's Goof-Off Day dangit and I'm the Holiday Hero and I'm supposed to celebrate. So, there. Have a great day of nothingness! Cheers!

P.S. I apologize for yesterday's lack of post and celebrating but it just wasn't in the cards due to the move. But I'm back, baby. (That was weird.)

Won't You Be My Neighbor, Little Green Alien Frog Thing?

Happy Won't You Be My Neighbor Day! Happy Birthday Mr. Rogers! How fitting that my wife and I are preparing to move into our first house together and today is all about being neighborly...and wearing cardigans. I'm ready to slap on a smile, button up my favortie cardigan, and treat the world as my neighbor. And I'm not just being a smart ass about wearing the sweater. The official site for WYBMND suggests wearing a sweater while being neighborly to all those around you. So...boom. I loved watching Mr. Rogers show as a kid and always wanted to meet him, sadly I never got the chance. Mr. Rogers was such a bad ass with his own magical kingdom, a giant aquarium, and his own street light. You know he stole that street light, right? Bad. Ass. I should try to re-enact the intro for Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, while lip syncing the song and wearing the Fred Rogers uniform: Cardigan, button up, tie, slacks, and boat shoes (Chucks will do). Remember to treat everyone as your neighbor today, as Fred Rogers did, and maybe we can make this "global community" we live in actually feel like a community.
Holy shit...it's...it's...Extraterrestrial Abduction Day! What's with all the probing? Are you ready to be beamed up to the mothership and have your internals become your externals for the advancement of alien science? I'm guessing this holiday comes from some nutball in a bunker in the middle of New Mexico with a severe case of paranoia. I've never seen a UFO in person but I hope to one day as long as that fucker doesn't take me with it. I have a fear of heights...and probing. So, today keep a look out for little green men and b...oh shit. What is that? Oh God, it's a...frog!
Happy World Frog Day! (Can anyone say segue?) It's fun to talk about Kermit and "Bein' Green" today but first I want to mention why this holiday exists. The sad truth is is that many frogs and amphibians of all kinds are going through tough times due to habitat loss, pollution, and changing climate. On this first day of Spring let's recognize that every creature on this planet has its place and what we do everyday can affect an animal living on the other side of the Earth. We don't own this world and once everyone realizes that then maybe we can really start changing the way we live. Think about the frogs! Who can honestly say they hate frogs? "Oh, frogs, they can go fuck themselves." No one says that! Don't let Kermit die because you can't pick up your fucking trash. It's frogicide and that won't be tolerated in our Muppet loving world. I may sound like a complete loon but I'm being serious when I tell you to think about how your life impacts the world. Save the frogs, save the world! Cheers!

'A' Chicken And Benito Juarez Walk Into A Bar...

Happy Benito Juarez Day! Aaaaaaiiiiiieeeee! (Too racist sounding?) Born in a small adobe home (who wasn't back then?) in the village of San Pablo Guelatao, Oaxaca in 1806, Juarez would grow up to be a lawyer and politician and eventually serve five terms as El Presidente of Mexico. It's perfect that this day should fall during 'A' Week being that a large part of Juarez's reforms seperated church and state and almost completely disenfranchised the ruling religious figures. Talk about 'Good without God'. Basically, this guy was a political bad ass having resisted French occupation, overthrowing the Second Mexican Empire, and restoring the republic through liberal modernization. Sadly, after his death much of this progress was lost due to a lack of democratic and institutional stability. Bummer, dude. This is starting to feel too much like a history lesson but Juarez's accomplishments and legacy deserve to be recognized by not only the people of Mexico but any fans of democracy. Hmm...how to celebrate? I do live in New MEXICO so I'm sure I'll think of something today. Moving on.
Happy 'A' Week! "What the fuck is this all about, Adrian?" Well, I just learned about it last night and now from my talk hole to your brain box you will know too. 'A' Week is all about being "Good without God". Meaning that not all good people need a god as their moral compass to guide their life decisions and actions. I have no firm affiliation with any church or god but that doesn't make me a degenerate or any less moral than a god lover. Not to sound like a pompous wind bag but I'm betting I'm a better person than a large portion of supposedly good god-fearing folk. So I swear...a lot. But if God was down here dealing with this shit, he'd be swearing like a sailor too. The world can be pretty fucked sometimes, most of the time really, but myself and a large portion of the population don't need a god to "save" them. Now, there is nothing wrong with belief in God or religion and maybe one day I will officially join another religion but these are not necessary to being a decent human being. Wether you are a believer, nonbeliever, or "it's complicated", always try to be a good person and do the right thing for yourself and those around you.
Cluck. Cluck. Cluck. It's National Poultry Day! Mmmm....chicken....*drool* I live my food life in the much questioned realm of partial vegetarian. Meaning the only meats I consume are chicken and turkey. I have been living this way for a decade now and I may one day completely give these up as well but for now I still "require" them to survive. Being a poultry eater I've found myself answering questions from both full on meat eaters and vegans alike. You guys really don't understand how much you have in common when interrogating someone that doesn't live your lifestyle. You think I'm joking? I'm not here to defend/apologize for my ways but I am here to tell you how much I fucking love poultry. God damn. The amount of meals I can make with a couple of chicken breasts is amazing...and tasty. This is a pretty simple holiday to celebrate really. Eat some chicken or don't and save a chicken. To the meat eaters: Always remember where your food came from and respect the life that was given. To the vegetarians/vegans: You are not better people because you don't eat meat but I do repsect your decision and may one day join you. Can't we all just get along? Cluck. Cheers!

Awkward Moments With M&Ms

Happy Men's Day! Boom! Man stuff! Grrrrr! I'd like to thank Mongolia for this most awesome of holidays. What to do for Men's Day? Man stuff, of course. Sports? Check. Eat good, manly food? Check. Fly a rocket pack to the upper atmosphere and detonate home made explosives? Check. Fight off a tiger with nothing but a butter knife? Check. This holiday was originally meant to recognize the establishment of the Mongolian military and all those who have served but in recent years it has become a day to celebrate all men. Here is a visual representation of Men's Day as it should be celebrated in America: 

Thank, Oatmeal.

Intense shit, right? Well, that's how we fucking roll. Men's Day! Fuck yeah!

I shouldn't get too bent out of shape because today is also Mothering Sunday or Mother's Day, in the UK! Hey ladies! Sorry about that. My wonderful wife is mother to our two little fur babies, dogs for those of you that are still sane, and she is the best they could ever hope for. My mom fucking rocks and my sister is a kick ass mother. I'm lucky to have been surrounded by so much mothering bad-assery my whole life. Take a minute today and thank your mother for birthing you and putting up with all of your shit and don't forget to thank ALL of the mothers around you! 

My final celebration today is...Awkward Moments Day. Yup. 63% of the time I'm in public is an awkward moment for me. Fact. Why? I don't know but this holiday should be easy for me to celebrate. I'm a master of the awkward face, which is much like a worried stare with a noticeable amount of fear in the eyes. Most of the time it's not that the situation I'm in is overly awkward, I'm just always awkward. So don't feel bad if you ever see me make the face. And if a situation or person is blatantly awkward, you'll probably find me sweating buckets while curled up in the fetal position. Fact. Go forth and be awkward. Cheers!

Arts and Crafts with a Leprechaun

Enjoying St. Patty's Day as well aas Arts and Crafts month!

Holiday Hero in the Living Room with the Wine Glass

It's the Celebration Sensation here bringing you last night's investigatory mayhem for Sherlock Holmes observance as well as St. Urho's Day! Enjoy.

Two Saints Fighting Over A Glue Stick

Happy Art and Crafts Month Observance! Glue stick? Check. Scissors? Check. Construction paper? Check. OK, let's make this blog happen. This month long celebration was probably created by Hobby Lobby or Michaels, but who gives a shit? Arts and crafts are fucking fun and it doesn't matter where this celebration came from in the end. What are your favorite arts&crafts? Well, being an artist I love creating my stencils but those can be too serious so sometimes I like to color velvet pictures. That's right, velvet pictures. You can't color outside the lines, the designs can be really awesome, and in a strange way it can be a very calming experience. Try it sometime. I'll definitely be working on a new, giant stencil today but maybe I'll make some St. Patrick's Day related crafts and celebrate with all the green construction paper I can find.
Speaking of Patty. Happy St. Patrick's Day! Are you drunk and puking up green beer yet? Why not? Isn't that what St. Patrick would have wanted? Probably not. How do we take so many celebrations and turn them into binges? Yes, it is a feast day but not a comsume copious amounts of alcohol day. I'm sure we can celebrate Irish heritage without getting so pissed that standing becomes an olympic sport. Enough bashing. Now, I'm not really 100% if I have Irish in my blood being that I'm some sort of Scot/Irish/English mutt but I've got flaming red hair and when I wear green look out. Leprechaun in the house! (Did I really just say that?) Red hair doesn't necessarily make you Irish but on March 17 every year it doesn't hurt either. I've got my cheesy St. Patty's Day pin and green striped tie ready to rock today and maybe I'll have a beer. Shocking.
It seems we've got another saint to celebrate today. Happy Feast of St. Joseph of Arimathea! That's right, kiddies, the patron saint of gravediggers. Which is also said to be St. Anthony but Joseph gave his own prepared grave to Jesus after the crucifixion, so I'd say that trumps Anthony. Sorry, dude. Now, let's feast! Wait. I'm not sure how to celebrate other than the feasting part. No real traditions are listed and because of St. Pat, JoA is kind of forgotten. Not really fair. Joseph helped remove Jesus' body from the cross, cleaned and wrapped it in fine linens, and donated his OWN grave to the man. Epic shit. If you are of the Christian persuasion and having a feast today for that snake charmer, St. Pat, don't forget to raise a glass for St. Joseph of Arimathea. Cheers!

St. Urho Chasing Grasshoppers With Sherlock Holmes And James Madison

Happy Freedom of Information Day! Happy Birthday James Madison! You might wonder how these two are connected but it's really quite simple. Ahem...as I said before it's Madison's birthday and he is recognized as the "Father of the Constitution" and was chief author of the Bill of Rights. Freedom of information as well as individual rights were extremely important to him and so today, March 16, was chosen to celebrate the 1966 signing of the Freedom of Information Act. Boom. There you have it. This is a law which is supposed to make our government more transparent through full or partial disclosure of previously unreleased information and documents controlled by the U.S government. It was actually signed into law by LBJ on July 4, 1966. How cute. I know this law has been somewhat beneficial but how helpful is a released document when only the conjunctions aren't blacked out? Fuckin' Feds. Take some time today and see what kind of unreleased documents you can uncover, my little super sleuths.
Speaking of investigations and such I'd like to wish you a Happy Sherlock Holmes Weekend Observance! Coming to you from Cape May, NJ it's the bi-annual event in which a Holme's mystery is acted out all over town , with guests invited to search for clues and watch the events unfold in person. This actually sounds like a lot of fun, too bad it's in New Jersey. Bleh. (Sorry, Doug.) The only thing I wouldn't enjoy about this is the awkwardly bad, douchey English accents acted out by those attemtping to be more Victorian. Ugh. Since I can't make it to NJ, and probably never will unless passing through to NYC, I'll have to solve my own mystery today. Hmm...what to solve? What to solve? Who's been eating the Nutella? Who keeps stickering the apartment complex? Who killed Col. Mustard in the study with a candle stick? I'll get back to you when more develops.
Our final celebration today is St. Urho's Day! Who needs St. Patrick when you've got the Finnish legend St. Urho? Snakes. Ha! Try grasshoppers, bitch. That's right I said grasshoppers. St. Urho is said to have driven all of the grasshoppers out of ancient Finland and thus saving all the grape crop and jobs of the vineyard workers. This was all done by St. Urho yelling the phrase, "Grasshopper, grasshopper go to Hell!" OK, enough of this silliness. After reading I'm pretty sure that this was made up in the 1950's by a bunch of bored, cold and drunk Minnesotans who probably hated Irish and wanted their own holiday to celebrate. Seriously. Three main reasons why I've concluded this holiday is bullshit. First of all, Finland has grape crops and wine? Secondly, this holiday just happens to be celebrated the day before St. Patrick's Day. And C, this holiday actually originated in Minnesota and is now making its way to Finland, where it supposedly originated. I call shenanigans! But, hey, most of my holidays are shit anyways and I'm here to shed light on the shit. I must get some grapes and celebrate! Maybe I'll wear a little purple and green. Probably not. Forget St. Patrick and celebrate St. Urho. His name is a lot funnier anyways. Cheers!

Et Tu, Artie?

In celebration of the Ides of March as well as Brutus Day, our toga party has begun!

It's The Middle Of March

Happy Everything You Think Is Wrong Day! What are you thinking right this second? No matter. You're wrong. But if everything I'm thinking is wrong then I'm wrong about you being wrong and we all know two wrongs don't make a right. After extensive research I've found this holiday has no known origin and a weak definition of how to celebrate it, so...yeah. I'm pretty sure this year's Republican candidates celebrate this holiday everyday. Ba-zing! I guess not thinking today would be the only way to not be wrong but you have to think about not thinking so you still end up wrong. This is a real mind fuck. Or is it? Am I wrong? Are you wrong? We're all fucked. Or are we? Enough of this silliness. Moving on?
Fasten together that toga and...beware the ides of March/Brutus Day! Have you been thinking about killing your boss lately? Get the car pool group together and hand out the knives because today is your day. I believe it's also legal, as long as it is your boss. (It's not legal.) OK, I need to get this out. This is to every frat guy who yells, "beware the ides of March..." through a beer bong while wearing a toga today: I hope you get herpes. Now, I'm not saying I won't be wearing a toga today and maybe having a glass of wine but I'm not at the frat house attempting date rape. (Was that too heavy?) Also, isn't it a little late to "beware the ides of March"? It's here. Too late. Look out behind you! Sorry, it was just a cat. The best way to celebrate today is to make yourself a toga, grab an adult beverage, and be paranoid. Really paranoid. Cheers!

The Travels of Celebration Sensation, p. 1

Oh, hello! Celebration Sensation here, and I am Holiday Hero's sidekick. Now, I'm not a lame, Robin-like sidekick. Oh no! This sidekick has powers beyond being the lookout, kidnap-ey, and riding in the dorky sidecar. Ok, now that the formalities have been taken care of, time for my report.
I was given the duty of investigating our variety of holidays that were on the queue yesterday. Now, you may have noticed that the Holiday Hero did not enter a blog discussing the "history" of the holidays and his interpretations of them, but that is simply because I was on special assignment. Ok, so here's what I've found out:
Since yesterday was Pluto is a Planet Day, I actually went there! I can honestly say that Pluto is definitely a place and, in my humble celebratory opinion, is seriously big enough to be a planet. You should see the look on the faces of the little Plutonian children when you ask them how they feel about the puny Earthlings taking the title of planet away from their home--sad. What? No lifeforms, you say? Bah! Have you been there? I think not! Moving on.
One of the oddest experiences of traveling to Pluto was seeing L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, there. Yep! We were trying our hardest of figure out how to celebrate the man's birthday, and the last thing I expected was to see that very person on freaking Pluto carrying around a freaking Ken doll (I guess he must have known is was Ken Day as well...or he has a strange attachment to Ken)! Creepy. I suppose he was trying to spread his funky religion-type-thing to the poor Plutonians. So, not only did they get the planet title ripped from them but now they have to deal with this guy...more specifically, the spirit of this guy (he's dead)! Not anymore! Tee hee hee! *cue Ghostbusters theme*
Finally, it was Earmuff Day. Now, everyone knows that it is rather cold on Pluto since it's so far from the Sun's reach (haha, litotes), so I brought with me a pair of earmuffs scientifically-crafted to keep my ears toasty warm. In fact, I was wearing them when you stumbled in today! LOL! That's right, but you all can't see them. In order to keep the cold at bay, we had to trick the cold into thinking that my ears were unprotected or who knows what nature would have come up with then! Whew! It was a close call, but I have made it back with my ears in tact. I guess I can taken the muffs off now since ABQ is pretty hot! Sorry Plutonians.
Well, that just about sums up my travel to Pluto. Now it's time for me to get back to learning about butterflies (even though I hate those tricky little bastards), reading, and enjoying the wonderment that is Pi!
Celebration Sensation, out!

Books, Butterflies And Pi. Yummy.

It's Pi Day, Pi Day

Gotta get constant on Pi Day

Everyone's using Pi in their equations, equations

Pi Day, Pi Day

Getting mathematical on Pi Day

Gotta get constant on Pi Day...sorry. I don't know what came over me and no I didn't already know the lyrics to Friday, jerks. Well, if you haven't already guessed it's Pi Day! 3/14! Yes, Pi, the mathematical constant with its cool Greek symbol is the most popular tattoo amongst mathematicians. A number that as of September 2011 has been calculated out to 5 TRILLION decimal digits. Someone has a lot of spare time. Don't worry this holiday isn't going to become an 8th Grade math lesson. Just try and think of ways you can work Pi into your day. For example: If you get bad service at a restaurant today, calculate their tip using Pi. See if you can make any purchases equaling Pi and then proceed to write a check for $3.14. Or simply take a picture of yourself by the number 314 if you can find it. That would be an odd speed limit. Whatever you do, do not watch Pi. Have a Happy 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 Day!

Happy World Book Day! I've seen several dates for celebrating WBD, the most common was March 1, but I'm a rebel (or a fool) and chose to celebrate today. Boom. We're America and that's how we roll. Now, you might be saying, "But, Adrian, how do I celebrate World Book Day?" Simple. Read a book, donate a book for children, or, your best option, build a really bitchin' fort out of old encyclopedias. (Encyclopedias for strength and longevity purposes.) This is also kind of an odd day to report that Encyclopedia Britannica will no longer be making print copies after 2012's stock runs out and instead focusing on the digital and online publications. It's true that the minute you print the encyclopedia it's already outdated but isn't it kind off odd that after 244 years the printed version will no longer be around? How are rich guys supposed to fill the shelves in their dens? No longer will high society murders be carried out by a scorned lover wielding Vol.25. More importantly, how am I going to build a strong enough book fort? Damn. Positive thoughts, A-town. It's still WBD and the perfect day to find a suitable replacement to the encyclopedia or if you want to I guess you can read or whatever. 

Do you hear that in the distance? Flapping. Flapping! FLAPPING! Oh god, it's thousands of butterflies! Run! Happy Learn About Butterflies Day! Don't really run. They're just harmless, little butterflies. Yes, in the larval stage some species can be extremely destructive pests but they need to eat all your crops so they can grow up and be beautiful butterflies. Geez. Can I be honest? Writing the word larval gives me the chills. It just sounds gross and all I can think of is Goldblum in The Fly and not normal Goldblum but creepy "I want to slime you with my mouth ooze" Goldblum. Anyways. Actually, wait a minute. Has there ever been a horror movie about butterflies? An evil flock of migrating butterflies destroy all in their path and leave only the eggs of their young behind. Just a suggestion, Hollywood. Probably better and cheaper than John Carter. Title ideas: Flock of Terror. Colors of Horror. Migration of Doom. Deatherflies. Lepidopterror. I'll keep working on that and as I learn about butterflies today I'm sure more creatively punny titles will emerge. Go forth and learn "before the terror migrates to your town..." (Working tag line.) Cheers! 

Hitchcock Plants Pansies with Thin Mints

Enjoy our fanciful evening of thrills, chills, and botany!

Hitchcock And Some Girl Scouts Plant A Flower (Too dirty?)

Happy Birthday Girl Scouts! On this day in 1912 the first Girl Scout troop in America was founded by Juliette Gordon Low in Savannah, Georgia. Now, let's get down to the important stuff: Girl Scout cookies. What's with renaming some of the classics and omitting some cookies from certain regions? Blah, blah, blah cost effective. You're the Girl Scouts. You sell cookies. People love them. Don't fuck with the equation. I need to hunt down a box of cookies today to, you know, help support the local Girl Scouts and because the cookies are fucking amazing. The must put crack in those because there is no way that shit is legal. (Such a cliche line.) Hopefully today I can find a box of cookies (please let it be caramel delites) and support this awesome organization that's had over 50 million members, including my mother, and help keep it around for another 50 million members.
Got a green thumb? Well, even if you don't it's Plant A Flower Day! Spring is fast approaching and what better way to welcome it then with some beautiful, freshly planted flowers. You've got to get in their and get your hands dirty. (That's what she said? Sorry.) When I was younger I would help my mother plant flowers and bulbs around the house and I always had a fun time doing so. It's been a pretty long time since I've done that and I fear that my flower will be dead by next week so hopefully a friend of mine can help. I don't want to be found guilty in the court of Mother Nature of plantacide? Flowercide? Botanicide? Whatever it is, I don't want to piss that lady off. She can be a real bitch sometimes. Put down the Dorito taco (interchangeable currently popular reference), take a little time today and make the world a more beautiful place.
While we're on the subject of bright and happy things I'd like to wish you a Happy Alfred Hitchcock Day! I have no clue why this day is celebrated today being Hitchcock wan't born or didn't die on this day but I'm not complaining. The man was fucking awesome and we could celebrate everyday. Here are a few surprising facts I just found out about Hithcock. Although he loved the work of his contemporaries his guilty pleasures were Smokey and the Bandit and wait for it....Benji. Hitchcock loved dogs and it's said Benji would make him cry whenever he watched it. Big old softy. Hitchcock was a fan of practical jokes and one time on the set of Strangers on a Train he left his daughter at the top of a ferris wheel for nearly three hours. The final and most shocking fact I discovered was that Hitchcock's actual last name was Hitchpenis and early in his career it hindered job opportunities. Seriously. After you've planted you're flower or flowers today, sit down with a box of Girl Scout cookies and watch a Hitchpenis classic. Cheers!

Eating Apples by Firelight while Discussing the Importance of Middle Names

What a way to celebrate these momentous of holidays!

Johnny Appleseed Didn't Need A Middle Name And Never Wore A Watch

Happy Johnny Appleseed Day! Born John Chapman in 1774, Johnny Appleseed is an American folk legend whose real life was just as interesting as the tales told about him. Spiritual, simple, and caring Chapman spent his life walking the U.S, as it was then, and creating orchards as he traveled. Even in the harshest of weather he was usually seen with minimal clothing and never with shoes. If a fire he created disturbed the animals around him, even the smallest of insects, he'd be quick to douse it and sleep in the cold. Chapman believed the more someone struggled through life the more they would be rewarded in the afterlife and thus he led a simple existence. I read a lot about him when I was younger, especially coming from NE Ohio, but now as an adult I'm realizing how amazing his actual life really was. To put it bluntly it's some pretty inspirational shit. Laugh all you want but his life of peace and giving is rare and amazing. Today, eat an apple or more appropriately drink some hard cider as the apples Chapman planted were used widely for this purpose. And yes, he did were a tin on his head. No better place to carry his pot. Seriously.
Happy Middle Name Pride Day! Be proud of that lonely initial, usually used to anchor the first and last name, and let the world know what it means. No reason to hide anymore, little letter. It's time to come out and play. My full name is Adrian Anthony Toto and I'm damn proud of it. Be proud of your middle name today and everyday. And that's all I gotta say about that.
Happy Daylight Savings Time! Aren't you late for work? Yup, it's that time once again to fuck with everyone's sleep patterns, except in AZ, and spring (Get it?) ahead. In the global community we find ourselves in today is it really necessary to continue this old habit? And that's what it is, a habit. The arguments on both sides of DST  can be convincing and depending on which way you exited the bed this morning, either sounds fine. Most people use their cell phones as alarms anymore and luckily those, like many of our modern electronics, automatically make the time shift. Usually. If not you've got 6mins before work starts. Wether you hate DST or love it doesn't matter now because it's done and you've celebrated it, unless you live in Arizona. Fuckers. 5mins till work. Cheers!

Nuts for the Grinch

Honey roasted peanuts...nummy! Dr. Seuss...yes! Must be Peanut Day and Read an eBook Day!

Buddy McNutty Loves E-Reading About Women's History

 Howdy, kiddos! It's your old pal, Buddy McNutty, here to wish you a Happy Peanut Month Observance Day! Garsh! Do you love peanuts as much as I do? If not, let me sing you a little song I wrote about how great peanuts are. Ahem...
Ohhhh in 1916 George Washington Carver said,
If you don't eat peanuts you'll be dead
A peanut really isn't a nut, it's a legume like beans
That look likes your butt
If you suffer from arachibutryophobia
You're afraid of getting peanut butter stuck in your mouth
As broke as we Americans are
We spend 800 mill a year on jars...of peanut butter!
If you'd like to hear more of my awesome peanut song or play games about peanuts go to my website buddymcnutty.com. Now, if you still don't like peanuts or peanut butter then Buddy McNutty says, "Go nut yourself!" (The views of Buddy McNutty do not represent A Thousand Holidays Blog or it's parent companies.)
Happy Read An E-Book Week Observance Day! Wait...reading? Geez. It's an e-book so it should like read it to me, right? Isn't that the point of technology? Fucking hippies and their books. (I'm getting punched.) I shouldn't hate on books and their E cousins. Books are important and stuff and e-books are important and stuff and technological. So, yeah. What's up now, paper? I'm going to read an e-book today and burn a paper book to keep me warm. (Probably won't burn a book unless we have a copy of Twilight laying around.)
Our final celebration today is Women's History Month Observance Day! Hey, ladies! I don't mean to start this with an insult but is there a men's history month? (I'm getting punched.) Men have had it too easy, especially white men, so women deserve all the recognition and celebration that we can give them. Today we should all learn about women's history, read books or watch movies about empowering women, and if you're a white man (like me) just continually apologize for being so. Here is an example, "Good morning, honey. Would you like some coffee? I'm sorry for being a white man." Be sure that today and everyday you show women the respect they deserve and remember to keep apologizing. Women rock! Cheers!

A Barbie Boy

What better way to celebrate Barbie's b-day than to check out Target's selection!

Crabs Feel Pain, Too.

Made by me for all my crab homies.