A Four Pack Plus One Late Edition

Run for your life! It's Dentist Day! Those drill wielding bastards are here to make your smile better a.k.a cause you immense oral pain and suffering. How can you trust someone that tells you to put rope in your mouth daily? They just want it close to your neck so they can string you up when you least expect it. Dentists must think children are dumb and that some treasure chest full of Happy Meal rejects will help us forget the 45mins of drilling. Well, to be honest I usually did enjoy those toys until they broke 3hrs later. Also, I was pretty lucky to have a great dentist for about 20yrs who never made going to an appointment anything to fear. I guess I shouldn't crucify all dentists because of a few crazies that enjoy dealing out pain like their office is located in the Soviet Gulag. Most of them are OK folks and they just want what's best for us so that we don't look like an episode of Dr.Who. Make your dentist proud today with an improved hygiene regimen, send them a card showing off those healthy chompers, or if you're really brave make an appointment. Open wide...
Happy National Frozen Food Day! Believe it or not this is an actual National holiday. And who do we have to thank for this awesomeness? Ronald Reagan. Of course the former actor would proclaim it to be National Frozen Food Day so that you can sit down with your TV tray and watch one of his shitty old movies. Fucking genious. I'm prepared to celebrate today with a Lean Pocket and have plenty of TP on hand for "dessert". Sorry, that was gross but so true. Moving on. What? I've got a lot to cover today.
YeeHaw!!! It's Alamo Day! "Where's the basement?" Yay and stuff. Texas, yeah. Remember the Alamo. Umm...yeah. Moving on. What? I don't like Texas. It smells funny.
Now onto the good stuff. Happy 100th Birthday Oreo Cookies! I just found out about this celebration like 30mins ago but that won't stop me from celebrating. Holy shit I love Oreos. Who doesn't? Maybe Nazis. We all know why. Two chocolate cookies with icing in the middle. Brilliant! With milk or without milk they're fucking good. I'm pretty sure that after indoor plumbing and penicillin (For those of us who can have it. Sorry, honey.) Oreos are modern man's greatest invention. It's also a fact that you can add Oreos to any meal and make it instantly better. Pizza? Hell yes. Steak? Of course. Who eats steak without Oreos? Salad? Duh. You can't name one meal that isn't imrpoved by Oreos. This is pretty easy and tasty to celebrate and if you don't like Oreos than you might be a Nazi. Moving on.
Today's final holiday and another late edition is the Day of the Dude! Adding it late is very Dude. This is also only the third year of the Day of the Dude! What do you do to celebrate the Day of the Dude? Take it easy. That's it. Don't worry about it because that would be very un-Dude, dude. I'm thinking of watching The Big Lebowski today and maybe playing a little Wii bowling. Whatever I do I'm gonna take it easy and you should too. Even if you're busy today try and keep the Dude's mind-set and don't let anything kill your chill. Now I've got to go write a check for $.69. Cheers!