Happy Everything You Think Is Wrong Day! What are you thinking right this second? No matter. You're wrong. But if everything I'm thinking is wrong then I'm wrong about you being wrong and we all know two wrongs don't make a right. After extensive research I've found this holiday has no known origin and a weak definition of how to celebrate it, so...yeah. I'm pretty sure this year's Republican candidates celebrate this holiday everyday. Ba-zing! I guess not thinking today would be the only way to not be wrong but you have to think about not thinking so you still end up wrong. This is a real mind fuck. Or is it? Am I wrong? Are you wrong? We're all fucked. Or are we? Enough of this silliness. Moving on?
Fasten together that toga and...beware the ides of March/Brutus Day! Have you been thinking about killing your boss lately? Get the car pool group together and hand out the knives because today is your day. I believe it's also legal, as long as it is your boss. (It's not legal.) OK, I need to get this out. This is to every frat guy who yells, "beware the ides of March..." through a beer bong while wearing a toga today: I hope you get herpes. Now, I'm not saying I won't be wearing a toga today and maybe having a glass of wine but I'm not at the frat house attempting date rape. (Was that too heavy?) Also, isn't it a little late to "beware the ides of March"? It's here. Too late. Look out behind you! Sorry, it was just a cat. The best way to celebrate today is to make yourself a toga, grab an adult beverage, and be paranoid. Really paranoid. Cheers!
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