How Am I Supposed To Make These Into A Title?

Fuck yeah, it's Lithuania's Independence Day! Home of Cleveland Cavaliers legend Zydrunas Ilgauskas, holder of the highest suicide rate in recorded world history with 45.6 per 100,000 (I'm guessing the .6 is a failed attempt) and the highest homicide rate in the EU (crime scene clean up business must be booming), and where everyone dresses like hobbits for traditional folk dances. Seriously. The Act of Independence was signed on Feb. 16, 1918 and kind of sort of made Lithuania independent from German rule, since the German authorities didn't allow them to actually publish the act. It really wasn't until the Fall of 1918 when the Germans lost WW1 that Lithuania officially gained independence and the Council of Lithuania was established to rule over the free territory. Over the course of the next two years Lithuania would fight three wars, in the period known as the Lithuanian Wars of Independence (creative), to defend their newly gained freedom from neighboring countries. This country sounds nice with an extremely rich history but at the same time really fucked. The main reasons being: They can't find the original copy of the Act of Independence. Seriously, how do you lose that? Lithuania was annexed by the Soviet Union in 1944 and didn't gain independence again until 1990 after becoming the first Soviet republic to proclaim its independence. Not really upholding the Act of Independence, huh? And cycling is popular. That's enough right there. I'll figure out some way of celebrating today, maybe. Help me out here, G-man.
It's Kim Jong Il's birthday but that dead guy can go fuck himself. Moving on.
Happy National Pet Dental Health Month Observance Day! Grab that pet toothbrush, prepare for a few chew marks on your hand, and save your pet's teeth. A staggering 80% of dogs and 70% of cats show signs of oral disease by the age of three and if left untreated can cause a number of problems for your "fur babies". You might feel ridiculous trying to brush your pet's teeth, I know I do, but if you love them as much as your Facebook photos would suggest than get in there and scrub those chompers. Many pets don't enjoy this so you might lose a finger tip but you can just tell people it was lost fighting a tiger or swimming to the North Pole. I'll be posting pics or maybe even a video later of my attempts to celebrate this holiday and hopefully I'll still be able to count to ten after I'm done. Cheers!