It's Carnaval de Oruro! Aaaaaaaiiiieeeeeeee! Hold on a minute. The carnival's main celebration dates are towards the end of next week BUT usually about six days before, being today, festivities and dances have already begun. These people know how to fucking party and they've been doing this for over 2,000 years. (Take that Jesus.) It began as the Ito festival for the Uru people but with the influence and intermingling (religious swingers) with Christianity it has become a sort of hybrid mixing the old Andean beliefs and divinities with Catholic saints and the G-man. The main area for all this celebration and praise takes place in Ururo, Bolivia, hence the name, with several pilgrimages to sites with important meaning for both Catholic and Pagan beliefs being visited. Still debating how to celebrate today...hmm...maybe traditional Bolivian music, maybe a mask, or maybe I can find a candle for the Virgin de Candelaria. Whatever. Let's just fucking party! It's Carnaval!
OK, time to do your best Chance impersonation and celebrate Umbrella Day! (Can you get that reference?) Living in central New Mexico I get about 10 days a year where an umbrella is actually needed and since I'm a dude I refuse to use one to block out sunlight. (If you are a man that does this and are not selling tacos by the roadside. Man card. Hand it over. Now.) I do own a wonderful walking stick umbrella as every man should but, of course, it's in Ohio. Mother fucker. I'm thinking of hitting up the Goodwill today and getting the best kid's, probably Dora, umbrella money can buy. (At Goodwill that's like $3. Seriously.) Then myself and my rad, pink umbrella can hit the streets feeling super fresh and celebrate this holiday properly.
Shut up, crime, because it's National Crime Prevention Week Observance Day! Crime prevention to me means becoming a superhero and kicking some righteous ass. I'm already the Holiday Hero but is that bad ass enough? I want my name to be so hardcore that it alone stops most misdemeanors. Righteous Punch? The Ginger Reaper? Soul Masticator? (That could turn out bad.) Captain Murder? OK, last one. The Blood Eagle? (Shout out to my Norse and Anglo-Saxon homies.) I'm being goofy but this is a pretty serious topic and if we all did just a little bit more many crimes could be stopped as quickly as they start. If you see someone being a fucking creeper, call them out on it. This world is fucked enough without bullshit crimes happening all the time and living in a bigger city has really opened my eyes. (Not that Youngstown, OH was much better.) Don't let their "hard" bullshit fool you. Most criminals are scared and will think twice if you show them the least bit of resistance. Now, don't get your ass shot over a fucking five spot in your pocket but at the same time don't let these fucks have their way. Definitely don't make it easy for them by leaving valuable shit out in plain sight or leaving your car unlocked. If you're out late at night just widen out that tunnel vision a little more and be aware of your surroundings. Crime prevention is about using common sense, being more aware of goings-on around you, and wielding a fucking monkey wrench when the time calls. Cheers and be safe! Blood Eagle, out.
Hopefully, you won't come across anyone named Edmund...the Blood Eagle is definitely a sore spot! What's your sidekick's name?
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