Texas Cowboys Eat Tortilla Chips But Don't Wear Condoms

Break out the salsa because it's National Tortilla Chip Day! That's right, folks, today the official State Snack of Texas gets its own "National" holiday. The tortilla chip, as we know it today, was invented in the 1950's by Rebecca Webb Carranza when, tired of wasting product, she collected tortilla rejects from the production of line of her and her husband's tortilla factory. She then proceeded to cut the rejects into triangles, fry those bastards up, and sell them for $.10 a bag. I'm not sure why today was chosen to celebrate Tortilla Chip Day since Wednesday was Margarita Day and those two go together like PB&J, Tango&Cash, pancakes and ladies, etc. So, chill out today with a bowl of tortilla chips, your favorite dip, and a margarita. And always remember if the cheese sticks together that counts as one.

While you're chomping on tortilla chips you can celebrate today's second holiday. Happy Texas Cowboy Poetry Week Observance Day! This is a two day event which takes place in Alpine, Texas at the Sul Ross State University and is dedicated to celebrating the oral tradition of cowboys in poetry, prose, and music. I think the best way to celebrate today is by writing my very own Texas cowboy poetry and maybe even reciting a little on a video later. It should be a pretty basic formula to write about cowboys much like that of country music, right? Let's give it a shot.

Your Average Cowboy

I Get up at the crack of dawn

I have an accent even when I yawn

Rolled out of bed onto my horse

Said morning to Brett Favre and he said 'course

I wear my boots made out of snake skin

I like to have relations with some of my kin

I spend all my days herding steer

Spent some time in the mountains where I learned I'm que...HEY.

That's enough of that. I promise more to come later and I invite you to try your hand at writing some Texas cowboy poetry, too.

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT AHEAD (Heehee, head.) It's National Condom Month Observance Day! So, wrap it up. Don't want an unexpected pregnancy? Wrap it up. Don't like AIDS? Wrap it up. Not really a fan of STD's in general? Wrap it up. Sounds pretty simple, right? Apparently not. So many people still refuse or are too dumb to wear condoms and that's why the Earth is over populated. There, I said it. Seriously, people. The condom has been in use for at least 400 years and been the number one contraceptive since the 19th Century and some of you still don't wear them. The Catholic church still views condoms as Satan's catchers mitt and most school systems find them too controversial to teach in the classroom. Seriously? If you're going to teach kids about sex and what all their funny parts do than you should teach them how to protect those parts. This should be basic owner's manual shit. Why are so many people afraid to discuss this topic? Take the condom, put it over your erection, and get to work. Oh my God. He said...erection. That's right. Erection. Vagina. Ass. Semen. SEX. Please, teach your children about safe sex and how a condom can protect them from STD's and unwanted pregnancies. If this paragraph has made you uncomfortable than maybe you should get back to churning the butter, milking the cows, or whatever the Amish do. SEX. Cheers!

P.S If that last paragraph made you uncomfortable than, well, you'll see...

OMG! A condom! Burn him!