Someone Put A Shopping Cart In My Jell-O

Hit the bricks Ghost Dad, it's my turn. Happy Jell-O Week Observance Day! In 2001 Utah Governor Michael O. Leavitt declared Green Jell-O as the official "State Snack" and started the annual Jell-O Week we are celebrating today. Do you think he did that because of the big O in his name? Not very sneaky Gov. Michael-O. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of gelatin (once again, a texture issue) unless it's exceptionally tasty and the near rotten fruit is left out of the mix. The trick of all septuagenarian Grandparents trying to rid the fridge of old, bruised fruit and pass it off as "tasty" to the kiddies. Maybe we should stick them in a Jell-O mold. Here are a few Jell-O/gelatin facts for your cerebral pleasure. Gelatin is a protien produced from collagen extracted from the boiled bones, connective tissue, and intestines of animals. Mmm...tasty. Early tests on ballistic vests included layers of gelatin between the woven and laminated fiber layers. In the former U.S.S.R. gelatin, and Jell-O especially, was believed to be the secret behind U.S. nuclear weapons success and a pack of powdered gelatin could sell as high as 50,000 Rubles. Michael Jackson's body is not actually buried at Forest Lawn but suspended in a glass sarcophagus filled with blue Jell-O. (His favorite.) With all these amazing and extremely surprising gelatin facts I'm starting to get a craving for a bowl of gelatinous bones and intestines. Yum yum.
"...and all the orphaned carts rejoiced wildly as the morning sun peaked over the mountains. For that cold Monday in February was Return Shopping Carts To The Store Day." We've all seen the lost cart sitting underneath an apartment staircase, wedged onto the median, rolled on its side in a ditch, or left wheels up in a parking lot far from its own. Do some of these squeaky bastards purposely seperate themselves from the family? Perhaps. Maybe searching for individuality in a world of endless twins and daily repetition. Maybe, like many of us, they search for the meaning of their lives and how they fit into the equation of the universe. And for a few the only option is suicide at the hands, or wheels and bumper, of an octogenarian behind two tons of Detroit steel. Please take a few minutes today and help these lost souls. They've carried the load for many of us for countless years and we owe them this one thing; return.