An Ice Worm And Buddy Holly Walk Into A Bar Wearing Red And Chewing Gum

Let's start Friday off on a solemn note being that today is The Day The Music Died. Referring to the plane crash on February 3, 1959, that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, J.P. 'The Big Bopper' Richardson, and pilot Roger Peterson. This day was given its name by Don McLean when he sang "American Pie" and this day is still considered the first and worst rock and roll tragedy to date. I'm going to keep this short and sweet today but go back and listen to the music of these lost talents. You'll find out there was a lot more to it then just doo-wop and squibidy-doo. "But February made me shiver..."
Happy thoughts. Positive thoughts. Puppies and kittens running through a field of mashmallows and rainbows. Woosah. Woosah. OK, what do we have up next? Wear Red Day! Wait...this isn't a positive topic. Son-of-a-bitch! Wear Red Day was created to raise awareness for women's heart health, since heart disease kills more women than all cancers combined this is definitely an important topic to discuss. Damn, I honestly never knew that and I'm now trying to educate myself and found out ways I can help support the fight and raise awareness. Fuck yes I'll be wearing red today and you should too! Got a red shirt? Wear it! You got a red tie? Wear it! You got red socks? Wear them! You got a red man/lady thong? Wear it! Whatever it is, wear it and support the cause! Exclamation point!
Alright, time for some fun. I hope. Happy Bubble Gum Day! Yeah! Woohoo! Let's chew some fucking gum and blow bubbles until we all get subconjunctival hemorrahges! (Wait, scratch that last part. Ouch.) Bubble gum facts. Go! Slow it down for a second. First of all this holiday was created as a fundraising event, where every child that pays $.50 can chew gum in school today and the kids choose where their money is donated. OK, history time. Boom! The modern day bubble gum was invented by Francois 'Dubble Bubble' Perroit in 1832 and was intended to be an equine pomade for his stable of champion show horses. This was until he discovered several of his horses relentlessly chewing the gummy substance and decided he'd try it for himself. (Ya know, being French, they'll eat anything.) Well the rest is tasty, sticky history. (That sounds gross but very French) I'm thinking bubble blowing contest today. (Or if you're French, take out the bubble part.) Maybe chewing the same piece of gum until jaw dislocation occurs. (Insert French joke.) I'm not sure exactly what I'll do to celebrate but you can count on me chewing bubble gum and making fun of the French. (If you're French, I'm sorry. But not really)
Our fourth celebration today is National Cordova Ice Worm Festival Observance Day! (How much longer can I make that title?) Let me drop some truth on you. I emailed the mayor of Cordova, Alaska (mayor@cityofcordova.net) and asked him for insider tips to celebrate or anyway I could become an honorary town member for the day. But, nothing. Zero. Zilch. This idea may seem crazy to you but not me, Mayor, if that is your real name. I'm sure you're SO busy up in Cordova, Alaska with all 30 residents and 12 of those being dogs. It's ok though. I'm not going to let you get me down, damnit. I would have appreciated a "You're fucking crazy leave me alone" email but nothing. (You're being very undude, Dude.) Alright, moving on. *epic Discovery Channel musical intro* The Ice Worm. It's a worm. That lives in ice. Have a great day, everybody!